Shanamadele’s Coffee Break
Pet Peeve #162Archive for Supermama
Mama Researcher
Last night, I shuttled 1000+ surveys from my office to my home so they could be picked up by a contractor for data entry.
On most nights when I arrive home, I change as quickly as I can into my pajamas. Last night, I stayed in my work clothes so I could be prepared to meet the contractor.
On most nights, Butternut is, ahem, very regular. He requests a diaper and, much to Pumpkin’s chagrin, only wants Papa to clean him up.
Last night, however, he only wanted Mama.
Which is how I found myself on the floor of the bathroom in my work clothes while Pumpkin loaded 10 trays of mail into a courier’s van. (Feeling grateful, by the way, that Pumpkin does not hesitate to help me with work nor shirk his fatherly duties.)
Deep, Petty Sigh
Today, Butternut got invited to the birthday party of another child in his daycare. I think it’s the first birthday party he’s been invited to (aside from two for children of close friends).
We’re not going to go, and I feel like a big stick in the mud, but….
The party is being held at a local amusement park in two weeks. Participants must pay to attend — $14.25 per person to ride unlimited attractions, so if the kid won’t ride alone, you’re ponying up $28.50 to attend some three year olds birthday party, and that’s without a present.
So tacky.
If it rains, they will move the party to Chuck E. Cheese. (You know, I just hoped for a couple more years before we got an invite to the Chuck E Cheese tot casino.) Pumpkin refuses to go to a party for a 3 year old there.
It’s a dilemma. I like the kid, and I think Butternut does, too, as much as any 2.5 year old likes any other kid. I want to be a fun parent. But, man, I would just never, ever do this to other parents. Like, okay, I might marginally be interested if they were paying. I might drag myself to a party where there is no pretense of interaction because that was want the parents wanted to do for their child if they were willing to pay for it.
This is one of those fundamental friendship dilemmas, I think. It’s not the kid’s fault the parents are tacky. He probably won’t really notice if Butternut isn’t there. We can easily just say that we are so sorry but we are unavailable to join them without any explanation. Hell, I’ll even buy the kid a present, because I like the kid and I think it’s sweet that we were invited. But I feel bad because I am keeping Butternut from this party that he might enjoy even if I don’t approve or value it. Plus, I know that this isn’t going to be the last time that we get an invitation like that, and at some point everyone is going to notice.
I’m interested, Gentle Reader, in your thoughts.
Book review: Protecting the Gift
Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe by Gavin De Becker
My review
rating: 4 of 5 stars
Easy-to-read book on hard-to-face subject. I appreciate that the author takes care to emphasize where victims/survivors took action, even while pointing out how they might have escaped injury/victimization by acting differently earlier in the encounter. I also like the concern he shows for teaching violence prevention as a way of helping people be less anxious and more open generally.
He talks about some of the myriad reasons we–the big society We–tolerate violence and fail to see it. He does not address issues such as how racism and classism affect our intuitions. On the other hand, he uses both statistics and stories to underscore his thesis that much of what we think we know about who is violent and how we can avoid violence is wrong.
Homemade Fun
It rained all day, and Pumpkin was at work, leaving Mama and Butternut to fend for ourselves.� We did pretty well, thank you very much.
Groceries needed to be bought. By us.� We went to the co-op to pick up bulk foods, since they are typically less expensive than at our chi-chi natural foods grocer.� Butternut discovered the small area with fun toys, and Mama re-discovered the joys of shopping without any distractions.� (Not that there aren’t joys associated with Butternut distractions, but it was a nice change of pace.)
We had a relatively pain-free trip to the chi-chi natural foods grocer. Butternut quickly decided on a sticker at the check-out line.� I am always surprised how quickly he decides and how satisfied he is to have just one.
We returned home, put the groceries away, had lunch and some of us had a nap.� The other one did chores and was about to start making play dough when the napping one awoke.
Thus, we both made play dough.
It was a little messier, and I didn’t get to make a palette of beautiful colors, but I was pleasantly surprised at how well it came out.� Now, we have the equivalent of about four cups of blue, green and red play dough.� It probably cost us all of about $0.35 to make, and it’s hard to calculate time spent doing it, since it was also time spent interacting with my son.� It will probably cost me or Pumpkin 15 minutes of clean up.� It is a little hard to find a price comparison, because I can only find sets online.� But let’s guess it’s about $5 worth of playdo.� Heck, let’s say it cost as much as $0.50 to make.� So, I saved $4.50 for 15 minutes of actual work.� Which works out to $18/hour.� (Had I not spent the time interacting with my son, it probably would have added another 15 minutes of work to the project, although the clean up would have been easier.� But worse case, I’m looking at a net of $9/hour.)
Then, we spent the rest of the afternoon playing with play dough. Which is, as they say, priceless.
Butternut meets the trains
The paparazzi never rest!
A little lightbulb went off for Mama recently that Butternut doesn’t want a trip to science museum of the zoo or even a Chuck E. Cheese — he would be perfectly happy to go with Mama and Papa just about anywhere. So, I was bound and determined that we would head out to Union Station to see the trains today.
Mama got a little impatient at home because, you see, she likes the metaphorical trains to run on time. Whe wanted to leave at 9 a.m., and even though she wasn’t quite ready to go at 9 a.m., she was really frustrated when Butternut wasn’t ready to go until after 9:30 a.m. There’s a lesson in here somewhere…. But, eventually we got out the door and off to the trains. (Note to
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: yes, you can try to time things so that you get to the lightrail platform with minimal time to wait for the next train, and that works well if you are either a controlling parent not dealing with a small child.)
We took the light rail, of course. Butternut surprised us both by walking through Chinatown to the train station. A trip to the train station is, I think, an ideal winter urban outing for small children. If you are not a passenger, there’s no way to get out into the train yard. There’s nothing particularly dangerous in the train station. It’s a large, cavernous and pretty building with lots of echos, and the travellers seem unrushed and mostly cheerful in a way that they don’t in either airports or bus stations. There’s not much to buy, and it’s easy to escape noticing what little there is. Plus, you can go right up to the big windows and watch the trains pull up and people disembark (some of whom have bikes!), luggage carts come and go, and a tractor pull the tank of toilet waste away.
On the way back, we took the street car to lightrail. Urban adventures don’t get any better that this!
